NIDJIHOLIK
Friday, August 24, 2007
Silly ADMIRER
What a HECTIC Friday [as ussual] but thank's God it's over now *fiuhhh*
I tried to relax my mind for a while, I open my account at ASC site and what I found there? I got simply beautiful E-Card from my SECRET ADMIRER [read: silly admirer].
Why I said SILLY ADMIRER? Coz he sent me Valentine's Card, six (6) months in advance.
Anyway, it feels good to have a SECRET ADMIRER? Dun ya think so?
Btw, today one of my "ember-curhat" [read: sharing partner] departs to Jakarta before leaving this country forever [read: for sometime uncleared]. He is such a good man [read: smart, wise, funny, generous, good listener and so humble]. If only his status was single [read: unmarried or divorced] maybe I will put him on my PBF [Potential Boy Friend] list. Back to the story, when he wanted to say goodbye with me, I can see his face is getting red [read: almost crying]. And so do I [actually]. When he hugged and kissed [on cheeks of course] me, that's the moment I realize that maybe this is the last hug & kiss from him and I'm starting to miss him already [Oh My.....] I wonder why time move so fast. It just felt like yesterday when the first time I met him but now he's gone.... I'm gonna miss ya a lot, Mr. Bhu....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 5:05 AM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
NEW TATTOOES
I've been so lazy to write these few days not b'coz I'm too busy with my job or social life but I feel so sleepy lately. I rushed to home after office hour so I could go to sleep earlier.I couldn't sleep well last week coz my INSOMNIAC was back but since I took massage last Saturday, I can sleep well now. THAT's GOOD! This massage centre called FAKRIAH. It's about 15minutes walk from my house.I spent 3hours for treatment such as Massage, Body Scrub, Bekam ala Tiongkok and Steam and it costs me IDR 120,000 but it's WORTH it. I feel so fresh after taking the whole treatment and I could sleep so well [read: tight].But, what I found after I took shower and look at the mirrorThere are so many brown circles on my backIt's about 13 circles It must be the side effect of "BEKAM ala TIONGKOK"How did I get it? The massager putted the glass which had been warmed up with fire into my skinsThe point is to draw the "air" from the body because I got "masuk angin" sickness I hope the "new tattooes" will disapear within this one weekIf not... I'm going to be crazy!@#$%^&*
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:14 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BANGSA-KU!!
Sudah lama keluarga saya sejak Bulang Buyut [baca: Kakek Buyut], Bulang-Tigan [baca: Kakek-Nenek], Bi Tua-Pak Tua[baca: Bibi-Oom], Mami-Mama [baca: Tante-Paman], Adik hingga Orang tua saya bahkan saya sendiri, hidup dan bernafas serta mencari makan di sini, di Indonesia. Negara dengan keragaman kultur, budaya, ras, agama dan tentu satu yang tidak terlupakan Indonesia sangat kaya akan keragaman dan keaneka ragaman KORUPSI. Selamat ulang tahun bangsaku, semoga di masa depan warga negara-mu benar-benar bisa MERDEKA. Karena di MERDEKA-mu yang ke 62 sekarang ini kata MERDEKA masih belum bisa di rasakan oleh seluruh warga negaramu.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:25 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I LOVE YOU, DAD....
Today is my beloved Dad's birthday. If he's still alive, then he will be 62 years old now.
Time is moving so fast, dun ya think so? It's felt like just yesterday when he feed me, putted-on the shoes, prepared my book to school, carried me on his shoulder, slept on his lap.
I was only 11 years old when he passed away and it's the worst NIGHTMARE ever for me.
Why YOU take him violently, Lord? AkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI shouldn't blame GOD on this [i'm sorry Lord].
I gotta be STRONG and TOUGH eventhough it's not EASY [not at all]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:24 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 2:53 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
Silly ADMIRER
What a HECTIC Friday [as ussual] but thank's God it's over now *fiuhhh*
I tried to relax my mind for a while, I open my account at ASC site and what I found there? I got simply beautiful E-Card from my SECRET ADMIRER [read: silly admirer].
Why I said SILLY ADMIRER? Coz he sent me Valentine's Card, six (6) months in advance.
Anyway, it feels good to have a SECRET ADMIRER? Dun ya think so?
Thursday, August 23, 2007
NEW TATTOOES
I've been so lazy to write these few days not b'coz I'm too busy with my job or social life but I feel so sleepy lately. I rushed to home after office hour so I could go to sleep earlier.I couldn't sleep well last week coz my INSOMNIAC was back but since I took massage last Saturday, I can sleep well now. THAT's GOOD! This massage centre called FAKRIAH. It's about 15minutes walk from my house.I spent 3hours for treatment such as Massage, Body Scrub, Bekam ala Tiongkok and Steam and it costs me IDR 120,000 but it's WORTH it. I feel so fresh after taking the whole treatment and I could sleep so well [read: tight].But, what I found after I took shower and look at the mirrorThere are so many brown circles on my backIt's about 13 circles It must be the side effect of "BEKAM ala TIONGKOK"How did I get it? The massager putted the glass which had been warmed up with fire into my skinsThe point is to draw the "air" from the body because I got "masuk angin" sickness I hope the "new tattooes" will disapear within this one weekIf not... I'm going to be crazy!@#$%^&*
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:14 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BANGSA-KU!!
Sudah lama keluarga saya sejak Bulang Buyut [baca: Kakek Buyut], Bulang-Tigan [baca: Kakek-Nenek], Bi Tua-Pak Tua[baca: Bibi-Oom], Mami-Mama [baca: Tante-Paman], Adik hingga Orang tua saya bahkan saya sendiri, hidup dan bernafas serta mencari makan di sini, di Indonesia. Negara dengan keragaman kultur, budaya, ras, agama dan tentu satu yang tidak terlupakan Indonesia sangat kaya akan keragaman dan keaneka ragaman KORUPSI. Selamat ulang tahun bangsaku, semoga di masa depan warga negara-mu benar-benar bisa MERDEKA. Karena di MERDEKA-mu yang ke 62 sekarang ini kata MERDEKA masih belum bisa di rasakan oleh seluruh warga negaramu.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:25 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I LOVE YOU, DAD....
Today is my beloved Dad's birthday. If he's still alive, then he will be 62 years old now.
Time is moving so fast, dun ya think so? It's felt like just yesterday when he feed me, putted-on the shoes, prepared my book to school, carried me on his shoulder, slept on his lap.
I was only 11 years old when he passed away and it's the worst NIGHTMARE ever for me.
Why YOU take him violently, Lord? AkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI shouldn't blame GOD on this [i'm sorry Lord].
I gotta be STRONG and TOUGH eventhough it's not EASY [not at all]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:24 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 2:53 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
NEW TATTOOES
Thursday, August 16, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BANGSA-KU!!
Sudah lama keluarga saya sejak Bulang Buyut [baca: Kakek Buyut], Bulang-Tigan [baca: Kakek-Nenek], Bi Tua-Pak Tua[baca: Bibi-Oom], Mami-Mama [baca: Tante-Paman], Adik hingga Orang tua saya bahkan saya sendiri, hidup dan bernafas serta mencari makan di sini, di Indonesia. Negara dengan keragaman kultur, budaya, ras, agama dan tentu satu yang tidak terlupakan Indonesia sangat kaya akan keragaman dan keaneka ragaman KORUPSI. Selamat ulang tahun bangsaku, semoga di masa depan warga negara-mu benar-benar bisa MERDEKA. Karena di MERDEKA-mu yang ke 62 sekarang ini kata MERDEKA masih belum bisa di rasakan oleh seluruh warga negaramu.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:25 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I LOVE YOU, DAD....
Today is my beloved Dad's birthday. If he's still alive, then he will be 62 years old now.
Time is moving so fast, dun ya think so? It's felt like just yesterday when he feed me, putted-on the shoes, prepared my book to school, carried me on his shoulder, slept on his lap.
I was only 11 years old when he passed away and it's the worst NIGHTMARE ever for me.
Why YOU take him violently, Lord? AkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI shouldn't blame GOD on this [i'm sorry Lord].
I gotta be STRONG and TOUGH eventhough it's not EASY [not at all]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:24 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 2:53 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BANGSA-KU!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I LOVE YOU, DAD....
Today is my beloved Dad's birthday. If he's still alive, then he will be 62 years old now.
Time is moving so fast, dun ya think so? It's felt like just yesterday when he feed me, putted-on the shoes, prepared my book to school, carried me on his shoulder, slept on his lap.
I was only 11 years old when he passed away and it's the worst NIGHTMARE ever for me.
Why YOU take him violently, Lord? AkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI shouldn't blame GOD on this [i'm sorry Lord].
I gotta be STRONG and TOUGH eventhough it's not EASY [not at all]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:24 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 2:53 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
I LOVE YOU, DAD....
Time is moving so fast, dun ya think so? It's felt like just yesterday when he feed me, putted-on the shoes, prepared my book to school, carried me on his shoulder, slept on his lap.
I was only 11 years old when he passed away and it's the worst NIGHTMARE ever for me.
Why YOU take him violently, Lord?
I gotta be STRONG and TOUGH eventhough it's not EASY [not at all]
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 2:53 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
..................run away.....................
Sometimes I feel like the world is looking over my shoulder
I don't know why but I feel my patience getting shorter
The tension builds but I feel the walls are getting thicker
And then I still make believe that I am feeling better
I don't want to know
I don't want to feel
I don't want to be
I don't want to sound crazy
I don't want to sound insane
But I can't take the pressure no more
Have you ever felt the same?
Like you just need to run away
Away................
Friday, August 10, 2007
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:48 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
...::: Falling in LOVE :::...
...cause I'm falling in love tonight
Somebody please stop the moon from falling down
...cause I'm falling in love with you
I dunno why I keep singing this song the whole day
I dunno why I keep smiling and smiling and smiling
*Are you falling in love?
***blushing***
Am I ?@!#$%
I DUNNO
I just felt so much love in my heart
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Is Chocolate better than Sex
Some people say that sex is the international language.
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:03 AM
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
Is Chocolate better than Sex
But I think it is chocolate.
In every country, there is a special chocolate dessert, a signature treat that people dream of even after they leave. Countries fight over whose chocolate is best.
Today when I opened my FS, I found very interesting posting from ex-prisoners #6. It's about twenty (20) top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
Here they are :
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
This Western café at Kuta Street Bali , sometime in May 2007 with a dear Te Te Em... hehehehe... (This might a one-sided perspective... hiehiehie)...
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on bar?
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Ibu Ohara
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
8. How many colleges/universities did you attend?
Just one university (University of North Sumatera in Medan
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
10. GAS PRICES?
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
11. If you could move anywhere where would you move?
Thailand
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
14. What errand/chore do you despise?
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
15. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
16. Get up early or sleep in?
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
17. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
18. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy?
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
19. Have you found real love yet?
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
20. When did you first start feeling old?
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
22. Beach
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not outdated but often overstated...
24. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Wine and dine...
25. What's your drink?
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
26. Cowboys or Indians?
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
27. Cops or Robbers?
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
28. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
29. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
No car.... sadly...
30. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
32. What is your computer desktop image?
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
34. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
35. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
36. Do you have a teddy bear?
I got two from my ex-bf
37. Somewhere in California
LA...
38. Do you go to church?
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
39. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
40 silly ones
(as per 8 August 2007)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Room rental fee (I have no idea why I must pay it two months in advance, it really bankrupted me)
This Western café at
NEVER… I was a damned good drinker
Last December 2006 at Alcatraz Prison Party to celebrate the first “communion” for prisoner #6 and I did “Jaipongan” dance…. though I was just slightly tipsy... :o)
Ibu Ohara
(All at the same time, if at all possible) Download all forms & info which are needed for applying scholarship, fill it up then send an email to each univ (there are more than ten universities to browse….I’m so dead); Start studying TOEFL (I have two unreadable TOEFL books); Call Indah or Furqan to get copy of their undergraduate transcript in English then getting my undergraduate transcripts being translate in English; Watch The Last King of Scotland DVD (Oprah said it’s a must watch movie); Browse for notebook price info; Eat Pear for dinner; Finish "the Purpose Driven Life" book and continue reading “the Measure of a Man"; Sleep sleep sleep sleep... [Ok, I'm just gonna die, right about.... NOW]
A lot of things - it's like this Chinese idiom said, "A girl changes 18 times before womanhood" --- I wanted to be a medical doctor, teacher, TV anchor, stewardess, spy, banker, businesswoman, president, actress, dancer, UN Secretary General, etc.
Just one university (
9. Why did you choose the outfit that you have on right now?
Comfortable and convenient because it’s casual outfit and it’s pink
I'm not sure... don't have to drive here...
I woke up before the alarm did... so I though, what the %@&*^.!?
Mr. "Reggae"... a.k.a. that guy, the "ideal (but currently unattainable) expat boyfriend" that I met during my assignment in Aceh .
Being civilized to undeserving, unworthy creatures.
ABSOLUTELY... I cannot NOT work...
(Stay up really really really really late then) sleep in... hihihihi... It's a gradually getting-stronger-n-stronger habit I have managed to establish here...
Bart Simpson… he’s so cute with that unusual shape of head and face
If the guy is right, ANYTHING is good...
BG, but God violently took him away... I was angry and sad, but now I know I will find love again... despite some recent failures these past few months...
Whenever my mom reminds me to get married ASAP; whenever my friends talked about their children but at heart, NEVER!!!
Beach… You can have lots of fun when you are at beach despite the humid and hot weather
Not outdated but often overstated...
Wine and dine...
(In order of frequency) tea, fresh juices, alcohol (used to),.... oh yeah, water... hehehehhehe...
Indians - they represent proud cultural diversity despite being oppressed by Western superiority complex...
What's the difference??? (I must stress that this is an utterly Indonesian context).
Gitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!
No car.... sadly...
The Simpsons because it’s so funny… you are being entertained so much
31. Worst romantic mistake?
Opening my heart (after being closed for 5 years) to this guy, who was hitting on me (he said so himself to me) yet is not ready for a relationship due to this HUGE emotional baggage...
Aishwarya Rai... she's so pretty and sweet
33. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
I have two in mind... both I met in Aceh... I am sooooooooooooo tempted to write down their names... I swear!!!!
(I may and/or may not share their perspectives) Kofi Anand, Bill Gates, Dalai Lama, Aung Syuu Kyi, Rupert Everett, Aishwarya Rai, Jonathan Davis, Axl Rose, Richard Gere, Nicholas Cage, Huge Grant, Harrison Ford, Drew Barrymore.
Aishwarya Rai & Rupert Everett....
I got two from my ex-bf
LA...
Errr... what was that again... eerr... something about "My Body as the Church"??? :o)
The last attempt to start a new relationship has just recently deteriorated regrettably to an all-time low, so I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with this "relationship"-shit. A new career has actually been formally designed for me since I was assigned to go to Banda Aceh, so I WILL FIGHT FOR THAT!!! And then THE CRUELEST REVENGE for that failed relationship will naturally follow...
40. What r u doin next?
Try to achieve what has inhumanly been described in point No. 6...
Pray for me....
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 4:01 AMTuesday, August 07, 2007
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
There are so many great male friends that have proven that they are MORE than dogs... wakakakakakak... Luv ya guyz!!!
============================================================
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:16 AM
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
WHO AM I
a MODERN woman in an ANCIENT faith
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
ARCHIVE
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter
WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN
I'm not exactly a die-hard fan of Oprah (but I tried my best to never miss a single episode of her show), nor do I have anything against her. I also am not convinced that Oprah actually invented these "words of wisdom".
I confess I post this for personal cathartic purposes on the romance department... [Hey, even a tough chick like me deserves some moments of weaknesses... hwehwehwe].
I definitely won't be using this against my dearest male friends [FRIENDS, as in R-E-A-L F-R-I-E-N-D-S.. not jerks who claim to be but not act on it].
============================================================
- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
- Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
- Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
- Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
- Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
- You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
- Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
- Never let a man define who you are.
- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
- All men are NOT dogs.
- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.
- You need time to heal between relationships. ..there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
- Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
- Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
- Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
- Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
[Naaahhh!!!! Don't think so!!!!]
Monday, August 06, 2007
the GREATEST journey
After being HIATUS for the past six months, here I am back again to pour all the thoughts that had been stucked on my mind and share some analysis behind my last tragic love life (sigh)
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
You’re miffedly torn and washed away, almost out of descent air to breathe due to drowning, with the spate of love and guilt – over and over and over again.
You only wanted the best for him, but all things come out as if the only thing you could do to him is only the worse. The worse of the worse one can imagine or actually do.
Then you’re like dense, thick, clueless, stupid, unintelligent, dim, slow, brainless, dim-witted, obtuse, almost an idiot… Who’s fault was that? Mine? The brain, the heart and the soul said it’s my fault. Solely my fault.
You love him, but no matter whatever you do, you’re only hurting him, damaging him to a point of inhumane existence. Hatred silently grew in his heart and yours.
What to do?
What to do when anything you do – whether distancing away, staying away, getting closer, doing everything you could, making things better – results only in bitterness?
What to do when doing nothing and doing everything means shit?
You feel like crying, but you feel such patheticness is intolerable for you to know exactly (to a certain degree) who and/or what you are. You know how strong and powerful you are, but at the same time such obliviousness is unbearably present, realistically in attendance.
Five people, all in their own kind of ways and languages, said that I am CREDULOUS when it comes to the object of my affection. Bizarrely, I bumped into that particular term a while before all 5 friends made those comments.
credulous /"krEdjUl@s/
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
posted by angel_with_dirty_face @ 3:40 AM
the GREATEST journey
Do you know what....
Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance betwen two people...??????????????????
You may disagree with me,
but....
Have you ever loved someone and at the same time feel that the only thing you could do is to bring out the worse in him whenever the distance is covered only a step, if not half step?
· adj. having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.
What does it mean?
I wish I could fly – far up and away, alone but not lonely. My non-presence might be the best for everyone and everything.
I want to fly. Up and away.
WHO AM I
To know me....
you've to SWALLOW the WORLD
To love me....
you've to SWALLOW the HEAVEN
"and the truth shall set you free"
January 2007
August 2007
September 2007
CREDITS
.FRIENDSTER.
WAYN.
BLOGSKIN.
DEVIANT - ART.
MEEBO.
YAHOO!.
GOOGLE.
MU-SicK.
LYRICS.
GMAIL.
SPIT IT OUT
TICKET SOLD OUT
free web counter